People v. Harvard Law

People v. Harvard Law

Friday, February 26, 2016

Our Salute to Sidley Austin: "Eighteen Ways to Blow a Deadline"

 (NOTE: Disclaimer regarding this blog's non-affiliation with Harvard is here.)

Last week, the Milbank Tweed law firm disgraced itself by abruptly canceling its $1 million program which had been funding lunches, conferences, and other events sponsored by student groups at Harvard Law School.

The reason? This staid, conformist law firm freaked out at the merest hint of controversy, after the Justice for Palestine student group, in full compliance with the rules, drew on the fund to order $500 worth of pizza for a lunch event which featured pro-Palestinian speakers, taking care on its Facebook page to thank Milbank (the rules required acknowledgement of Milbank's funding).

In response, Milbank didn't simply issue a statement clarifying that its sponsorship of the program did not imply agreement with the activities of any student group taking part in the program.

And it didn't simply insist that none of ITS money ever be used to fund Justice for Palestine.

No, Milbank insisted that it would not fund the program at all unless Dean Minow agreed that Justice for Palestine would never again receive ANY Law School money from ANY source.

Apparently Milbank was under the impression that the amount of money involved is a meaningful figure at Harvard Law School, entitling a donor to some influence. HLS alumnus Elie Mystal quickly disabused Milbank of that notion.

Standing up for student free speech, Dean Minow refused to defund Justice for Palestine. And so Milbank, in a cowardly act, cancelled its entire program of funding student organizations.

Fortunately, other law firms do not shy away from funding controversial student groups.

Kudos to Sidley Austin in particular. Since 2009 Sidley has been a loyal supporter of the annual Parody put on by the Harvard Law School Drama Society. This year, Sidley's the lead sponsor.


Sidley has funded the Harvard Law School Drama Society, of which we bloggers are a (small) part even though our Parody has a far more controversial history than that of Justice for Palestine.

Sidley has been unstinting in its support despite our history of lampooning blacks on campus, which some overly sensitive students have decried as racist. For example, this sketch in 2006 depicting a black professor as relying on students to write books for him.

The 2006 Parody was hugely controversial. As Diane Lucas has summarized, much of it was devoted to roasting "individual students, mostly women of color, . . . using highly offensive racial, gender and classist stereotypes -- basically a modern day minstrel show." Indeed, some of the women depicted "were so deeply offended they wanted to transfer schools."

With the backing of Dean Kagan, we deflected such criticism, and soldiered on in our mission to poke a bit of fun at various people and entities associated with Harvard Law School.

For example, in 2007 we did this sketch about the Satanic sex orgies regularly held at the Law Review, and about how federal judges view its editors as sex objects.

In 2008 we did this sketch depicting Justice Scalia as a meglomaniac and sore loser.

In 2009 we did this sketch depicting Elliot Spitzer as a meglomaniac and sex addict.

In 2010 we did this sketch depicting Justice Stevens as a doddering old fool; Dean Kagan (who replaced Justice Stevens the following year) did a cameo.

Such valuable work is made possible largely through funds supplied by Sidley and other law firms who, unlike Milbank, are untroubled by funding controversial student speech activities. Without their generous support, we'd have to raise ticket prices even higher than we've recently raised them.

Although enormously grateful for Sidley's generous support over the years, we are inspired by the strong stance Dean Minow took last week against any effort by law firms funding student groups to use their dollars as leverage to control the content of student speech.

We believe that deeds, not just words, are needed to emphasize the importance of that principle.

Therefore, to mark tonight's opening of the 2016 Parody (tickets, though no reserved seats, available here!), we have quickly put together a bonus parody song (available only via this blog, not in the live show) about Sidley, saluting its lawyers for their remarkable attention to detail.

We've done this to make clear that we will never kowtow to the likes of Milbank (itself a former sponsor of the Parody, which pulled out as a sponsor after our shows became the subject of public controversy). No level of funding of the Parody -- not even the big bucks involved with lead sponsor status -- will confer immunity from parody. (Immunity from parody is only available for purchase at the Public Interest Auction.)

The parody song, "Eighteen Ways to Blow a Deadline," is done to the tune of "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover," released in 1975, by Paul Simon (YouTube video here).

We offer special thanks to Sidley attorneys Scott M. Border, Richard A. Cederoth, Douglas I. Lewis, Joseph A. Micallef, David T. Pritikin, and Paul E. Veith, for making this parody song possible.

Lyrics are below the video. Enjoy!



LYRICS

"Eighteen Ways to Blow a Deadline"

The problem is all inside your firm
Garcia said
Appealing is easy if your
Brain is not half dead

I'd like to warn you Sidley's liable
To screw up
There must be eighteen ways
To blow a deadline

He said it's really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my ruling
Won't be dissed or misconstrued

But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be eighteen ways
To blow a deadline
Eighteen ways to blow a deadline

[CHORUS (x2)]

You just live in a cave, Dave
Met a new ho, Joe
Something that you forgot, Scott
Your poor memory
You hit the jug, Doug
You don't need to drink so much!
Just don't be a prick, Dick
Appeal speedily

He said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again

I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the eighteen ways

He said why don't you all
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light

He then dismissed me
And I realized he probably was right
There must be eighteen ways
To blow a deadline
Eighteen ways to blow a deadline

[CHORUS (x2)]

You just live in a cave, Dave
Met a new ho, Joe
Something that you forgot, Scott
Your poor memory
You hit the jug, Doug
You don't need to drink so much!
Just don't be a prick, Dick
Appeal speedily



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