People v. Harvard Law

People v. Harvard Law

Saturday, May 16, 2015

"Sweet Schemes": The Harvard Law Review's True Secret of Success

(NOTE: Disclaimer regarding this blog's non-affiliation with Harvard is here.)

Today is the start of the Harvard Law Review's annual writing competition used to select new editors. The winners might end up in situations like this (more on that below):

So our fans outside the Law School have some sense of the insanely gunnerish nature of the week-long competition, reproduced here is an e-mail about it sent last month by the Law Review to all 1Ls. Follow the links to the videos and PDFs for more detail.

In the first video (here) the outgoing president, Rachel Miller-Ziegler (who in another of many famous "firsts," has won fame as the first female ginger president with a hyphenated name), discloses that one secret to the  Law Review's success is picking editors with three vital skills (tested  by the competition): (1) reasoning ability; (2) writing skills; and (3) enthusiasm.

But that's not the whole story. Inspired by Ms. Miller-Ziegler's presentation, we have put together a further video about how, in 2007, the Law Review's true secret of success was revealed.

You'll have wait until 1:15 of the video to find out the true secret, but like most interesting secrets, it involves sex:

The video, "Sweet Schemes," is done to the tune of the 1983 hit, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by the Eurythmics (lead singer, Annie Lenox). (Youtube video here.)

The parody lyrics are below. Enjoy!


"Sweet Schemes"

Sweet dreams of law degrees
Will I win Sears or cum laude?
I worked for Wilmer and a judge in D.C.
Everybody's clerking for someone

Judges who want to use you
Judges who want to get used by you
Some of them just want to screw you
Because we're on the Law Review

Ooo . . . Hey . . . Whoa . . .

Sweet schemes and trickery
Nesson is dead, but his secret's free
We've got to act fast, but we can't, you see
Cuz everybody's editing something

Ooo . . . Ha . . . Woo . . .

Watch that signal (movin' on)
Hold that Bluebook (movin' on)
Change that comma (movin' on)
Cite that supra (movin' on)
Add that footnote (movin' on)
Use italics (movin' on)
Forge those sources (movin' on)
Grab that statute!

We're just here to confuse you
So that we'll get better grades than you
You bet we'll try to outdo you
That's why we're on the Law Review

Sweet dreams of tenured chairs
We seem human but we never err
Easterbrook please hear our prayers
Everybody's clerking for someone

Sweet dreams to rule the earth
Just as soon as we give birth
[N.B.: In 2007, many of the female editors were pregnant.]
All I know is I'll come in first
Everybody's looking for Nesson

Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up
Shut that case up

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