People v. Harvard Law

People v. Harvard Law

Monday, April 13, 2015

"Bust a Moot" (ft. Elena Kagan and Eliot Spitzer")

(NOTE: Disclaimer regarding this blog's non-affiliation with Harvard is here.)

To mark tonight's start of First-Year Ames Moot Court at Harvard Law School, and to offer students a few tips for performing well in Ames, here is a video (embedded below) featuring Elena Kagan and Eliot Spitzer, from the Drama Society's March, 2009, Parody production.

It's to the tune of the 1990 hip hop hit "Bust a Move" by Marvin Young, popularly known as "Young M.C." (YouTube video here).

The parody lyrics are below. Enjoy!


 "Bust a Moot"

This here's a jam for those one - L - uhs,
Got their first Three Aces salmonellas,
Tryin' to beat winter with new umbrellas,
Brief a case 'cause you're over-zealous,
OK, gunner, here's a stunner:
Your moot court relay is short one runner,
No extension: you beg your Climenko,
'Cause your partner's more sick than Alex Litvinenko

He's resented, you relented,
Sit down to write the Question Presented,
Your friends call up shoutin': BAR REVIEW!
Then you drank so much, got a new tattoo.
You're looking pale, smelling stale,
Can't screw up a class that's pass/fail,
Spray some Febreze on your favorite suit,
Get out there, alkie, bust a moot!

Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames
Oh, Ames

You're a 2L, think it's cru-el,
No one has crowned you King of this schoo-el,
Sears Prize hopes collapsing in flames?
Those C's don't matter in 2L Ames.
Come October, go get sober,
Round up that girl from section and probe her:
"Babe, how'd you like to hang around a spell,
With three bearded dudes at the back o' Langdell?"

Feelin' quirky, health gets murky
Two weeks on Ramen, Pez, and Spam jerky,
Blacked out briefly and now you guess you're,
Standing up in front of a surly professor.
Here's your best bet: toss your fact set,
Raise her latest research in tax debt,
She says that you seem-a-rather astute,
And that is how you bust a moot!

You need it?
You brief it.
You need it?
Baby, you brief it.
(Just bust a moot)
You need it?
You brief it.
You need it?
Baby, you brief it.

3L hustlin', crowd is bustlin',
"Lost their briefs," the whispers are rustlin',
Opposition counsel grins at your crime,
You go up, ask Scalia for extra time.
First chin shivers, second quivers,
Third drops down, then Nino delivers:
Says, "You got no doctrine, and you got no law,
Then you got no case and there you are!"

Now you're frantic, partner's antic,
Sinking like Leo in the middle Atlantic
Quoted everybody from Blackstone to Shrek,
But you can't name check with your reference wrecked,
Calm your capers, lose those vapors,
Whip out a copy of the Federalist Papers,
"Nino, I think this'll substitute,"
Then John Jay up and bust a moot!

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