2006 Parody: Act 2, Song 4: "Velvel's Constant Yammer"

HARVARD LAW SCHOOL
PARODY 2006
"FINDING BLACHMAN CONTRIBUTORILY NEGLIGENT"

Act 2, Song 4
"Velvel's Constant Yammer"

(Based on the Beatles' "Maxwell's Silver Hammer") (Youtube)

Setting: March 12, 2005, Pound Hall, Harvard Law School, the closing performance of the annual Parody put on by law students -- the very performance that Professor Tribe remarked, in an e-mail to his students, that he "had hoped to see . . . but had to miss . . . ." Frumpy the HLS Clown (that nasty clown with a filthy mouth who lives in the tunnels under the Law School), who so far has not appeared in the 2005 Parody performances (having been benched in favor of a kinder, gentler Parody, to help convey "a sense of humor rather than a spirit of vindictiveness"), suddenly appears to sing a song about a key figure in the Harvard Law School plagiarism scandals who had not yet been mentioned -- the maniacally obsessive Dean Lawrence Velvel of the University of Massachusetts School of Law.

Jeremy Blachman, narrator:

My final bit of negligence in writing the 2005 Parody involved my total failure to cover Dean Velvel's key role in triggering the ghostwriting/plagiarism scandal which has engulfed Professor Laurence Tribe, and in criticizing Tribe and other Harvard plagiarists generally. As the Law School student newspaper covered in October, 2004, it was Dean Velvel's correspondence with Professor Tribe regarding Professor Charles Ogletree's own plagiarism scandal -- correspondence which Velvel published on his blog -- which led a law professor (who felt Tribe was being hypocritical) to tip off the Weekly Standard to plagiarism in Tribe's own book. Later, Dean Velvel demonstrated a penchant for torturing those caught up in the Harvard plagiarism scandals, via seemingly endless blog posts devoted to recounting their failings -- first Ogletree, then Kagan, then Tribe. Had I done more research, I would have better understood Velvel's key role in this affair, and would have realized that an entire parody song should be devoted to Velvel, to the tune of a Beatles' song that perfectly matches Velvel's tendency toward manic obsessiveness! How awesome it would have been for Frumpy the HLS Clown to have sung this parody song at the 2005 Parody!

Dean Lawrence Velvel

"Velvel's Constant Yammer"

(Sung by Frumpy the HLS Clown)

(Here's a MIDI file in case you want to sing it!)

‘Tree was quizzical, studied plagia-physical

Writing in the home

Late nights all alone with a ghost -- write -- er

Er, er, er, er

Velvel Edison, majoring in meddling

Calls him on the phone

"Can I take you out to the bookstore ‘Tree-he-he-he?"

But as ‘Tree's getting ready to go

A knock comes on the door

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer

Came down upon his head

Clang! Clang! Velvel's constant yammer

Filled 'Tree with so much dread

Back in school again Larry plays the fool again

Velvel gets annoyed

Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene - e - e - ene

He tells Tribe to stay when the class has gone away

So Tribe waits behind

Writing fifty times "I must not cop - cop - cop - y"

But when he turns his back on Velvel

Velvel creeps up from behind

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer

Came down upon his head

Clang! Clang! Velvel's constant yammer

Filled Tribe with so much dread

Velvel's number one, said "we've caught a dirty one"

Alan stands alone

Painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh

Skipper and Gilligan screaming from the gallery

Say he can't go free

The judge does not agree, and she tells them so-o-o-o

But, as the words are leaving her lips

A noise comes from behind

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer

Came down upon her head

Clang! Clang! Velvel's's constant yammer

Caused Kagan so much dread

Velvel yammer man