People v. Harvard Law

People v. Harvard Law

Friday, June 24, 2005

2006 Parody: Act 2, Song 4: "Velvel's Constant Yammer"


Act 2, Song 4
"Velvel's Constant Yammer"
Setting: March 12, 2005, Pound Hall, Harvard Law School, the closing performance of the annual Parody put on by law students -- the very performance that Professor Tribe remarked, in an e-mail to his students, that he "had hoped to see . . . but had to miss . . . ." Frumpy the HLS Clown (that nasty clown with a filthy mouth who lives in the tunnels under the Law School), who so far has not appeared in the 2005 Parody performances (having been benched in favor of a kinder, gentler Parody, to help convey "a sense of humor rather than a spirit of vindictiveness"), suddenly appears to sing a song about a key figure in the Harvard Law School plagiarism scandals who had not yet been mentioned -- the maniacally obsessive Dean Lawrence Velvel of the University of Massachusetts School of Law.

Jeremy Blachman, narrator:
My final bit of negligence in writing the 2005 Parody involved my total failure to cover Dean Velvel's key role in triggering the ghostwriting/plagiarism scandal which has engulfed Professor Laurence Tribe, and in criticizing Tribe and other Harvard plagiarists generally. As the Law School student newspaper covered in October, 2004, it was Dean Velvel's correspondence with Professor Tribe regarding Professor Charles Ogletree's own plagiarism scandal -- correspondence which Velvel published on his blog -- which led a law professor (who felt Tribe was being hypocritical) to tip off the Weekly Standard to plagiarism in Tribe's own book. Later, Dean Velvel demonstrated a penchant for torturing those caught up in the Harvard plagiarism scandals, via seemingly endless blog posts devoted to recounting their failings -- first Ogletree, then Kagan, then Tribe. Had I done more research, I would have better understood Velvel's key role in this affair, and would have realized that an entire parody song should be devoted to Velvel, to the tune of a Beatles' song that perfectly matches Velvel's tendency toward manic obsessiveness! How awesome it would have been for Frumpy the HLS Clown to have sung this parody song at the 2005 Parody!
Dean Lawrence Velvel

"Velvel's Constant Yammer"
(Sung by Frumpy the HLS Clown)

(Here's a MIDI file in case you want to sing it!)
‘Tree was quizzical, studied plagia-physical
Writing in the home
Late nights all alone with a ghost -- write -- er
Er, er, er, er
Velvel Edison, majoring in meddling
Calls him on the phone
"Can I take you out to the bookstore ‘Tree-he-he-he?"
But as ‘Tree's getting ready to go
A knock comes on the door

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer
Came down upon his head
Clang! Clang! Velvel's constant yammer
Filled 'Tree with so much dread

Back in school again Larry plays the fool again
Velvel gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene - e - e - ene
He tells Tribe to stay when the class has gone away
So Tribe waits behind
Writing fifty times "I must not cop - cop - cop - y"
But when he turns his back on Velvel
Velvel creeps up from behind

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer
Came down upon his head
Clang! Clang! Velvel's constant yammer
Filled Tribe with so much dread

Velvel's number one, said "we've caught a dirty one"
Alan stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures, oh, oh, oh, oh
Skipper and Gilligan screaming from the gallery
Say he can't go free
The judge does not agree, and she tells them so-o-o-o
But, as the words are leaving her lips
A noise comes from behind

Bang! Bang! Velvel's constant yammer
Came down upon her head
Clang! Clang! Velvel's's constant yammer
Caused Kagan so much dread
Velvel yammer man

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