2006 Parody: Act 2, Song 2: "You're So Klain"

HARVARD LAW SCHOOL
PARODY 2006
"FINDING BLACHMAN CONTRIBUTORILY NEGLIGENT"

Act 2, Song 2
"You're So Klain"

(Based on Carly Simon's "You're So Vain") (Youtube)

 Setting: Late November, 2004, Hauser Hall, Harvard Law School, office of Professor Laurence Tribe. Tribe's plagiarism scandal has dragged on for two long months, with no end in sight. Matters appear more dire with each passing week. On November 15, an article in the New Yorker by Malcolm Gladwell mentioned the plagiarism charges against Tribe. On November 21, a respected historian appeared on national television and suggested that Tribe is not an actual scholar, but merely a "compiler" of material ghostwritten for him by others. On November 24, the New York Times prominently featured Tribe in an article about plagiarism by university professors.

 Tribe becomes despondent. He realizes his life-long dream of receiving an appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court, or at least a high-level position in the Department of Justice, has  been shattered due to Ron Klain's ineptitude as a ghostwriter. Now, Tribe realizes, he will never achieve high office -- not because his views are too controversial for him to be entrusted with an important position, but because, having been outed as a plagiarist, his ethics are too suspect. Faced with this realization, Tribe boils over first with frustration, then with anger, toward Klain. For the first time in years, he sits down to write. And he writes a song squarely fixing blame for his downfall on Klain. After composing the song, he stands up and sings it. It turns out that while not much of a writer, Tribe is an able singer.

Jeremy Blachman, narrator:

This was another huge, missed opportunity. In writing the 2005 Parody, because we did not understand the key role played by Ron Klain in creating this scandal, we not only failed to feature Klain in a song about his role -- we failed to feature a song about Tribe's reaction once he realized that Klain had brought him down. Clearly, as with so many other aspects of the 2005 Parody, I was negligent in not understanding the huge potential that a song like this could have. Luckily, Klain rhymes with "Vain," so once we came up with the idea, this parody song, to the tune of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain," almost wrote itself. Just imagine how awesome it would have been if we had included this song in the 2005 Parody!

"You're So Klain"

(Sung by Laurence Tribe)

(Here is a MIDI file in case you want to sing it!)

You walked into Con Law class
Like you were Daniel Richenthal
Your lips strategically placed upon my ass
Like that was original

You had one eye on the Sears Prize as
You wrote "God Save" for me
And all the profs dreamed that
You'd be their RA
You'd be their RA, and . . .

You're so Klain
So smooth I didn't know I should doubt you
You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you
'Bout you, 'bout you

You had me twenty years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well you said that you'd be my ghostwriter
And that you would never cheat

But you copied from another book
By Henry Abraham
You brought me down, Ron when
You copied Henry, you copied Hentry, and . . .

You're so Klain
Joe Bottum shoulda wrote just about you
You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you
'Bout you, 'bout you

(Instrumental)

I had some dreams, Ron, but you copied Henry
You copied Henry, and . . .

You're so Klain
So smooth I didn't know I should doubt you
You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you
'Bout you, 'bout you

Well, I hear you went down to the Capitol
And clerked there with the Supremes
Then you flew with Al Gore up on Air Force Two
Being your mentor it sure was sweet

But you betrayed me during Bush v. Gore
And back in '84
A disloyal guy
Yes you once were a close friend
Once were a close friend, but

You're so Klain
Joe Bottum shoulda wrote just about you
You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you
'Bout you, 'bout you

You're so Klain
Joe Bottum shoulda wrote just about you
You're so Klain
So smooth I didn't know I should doubt you

You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you

You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you

You're so Klain
That's why I wrote this song all about you