2006 HLS Parody, Act 1, Song 2: "I'm a Compiler"

 HARVARD LAW SCHOOL
PARODY 2006
"FINDING BLACHMAN CONTRIBUTORILY NEGLIGENT"

Act 1, Song 2

"I'm a Compiler"

(Based on The Monkees' "I'm a Believer") (Youtube)

Setting: U.S. Supreme Court, April 15, 1985, the chambers of retired Justice Potter Stewart, shortly after Professor Laurence Tribe finished arguing a case before the Court. During an informal meeting, Justice Stewart casually inquires of Professor Tribe how his work is going.

Jeremy Blachman, narrator:

"This was another missed opportunity. Had we researched the plagiarism story involving Professor Tribe more thoroughly, we would have realized Professor Tribe is such an important legal scholar that U.S. Supreme Court justices routinely inquire how his work is going. If so, we might have learned that back in 1985, when Professor Tribe's former boss, Justice Potter Stewart, asked him about his ongoing scholarly work, Professor Tribe confessed to using student ghostwriters. Specifically, he confessed that a book about to be published under his name, "God Save This Honorable Court," had been ghostwritten for him by Ronald A. Klain (HLS '87). This is the book which which would eventually land Professor Tribe in hot water, in 2004, when it first became publicly perceived that Profesor Tribe may be merely a compiler of material ghostwritten for him by others. If I had been more thorough, last year's Parody might have included this excellent scene, in which Professor Tribe answers Justice Potter's inquiry by singing of his delight with his new method for producing books ...."

"I'm a Compiler"
(Sung by Laurence Tribe)

(Here is a MIDI file in case you want to sing it!)

I thought ghosts were only used by some 3Ls
Meant for students, yes, but not for me
Ah, work was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Writer's burnout haunted all my dreams

Then I saw Ron's draft!
Now I'm a compiler!
Not a trace of pride in my mind
I'm a slug, I'm a compiler
I couldn't write now if I tried

I thought books were more or less a writing thing
Seems the more I toked, the less I wrote
What's the use in writin'?
All you get is pain
I don't need to write, 'cuz I got Klain

Yeah I saw Ron's draft!
Now I'm a compiler!
Not a trace of pride in my mind
I'm a slug, I'm a compiler
I couldn't write now if I tried

(Musical bridge)

Ah, work was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Writer's burnout haunted all my dreams

Then I saw Ron's draft!
Now I'm a compiler!
Not a trace of pride in my mind
I'm a slug, I'm a compiler
I couldn't write now if I tried

Yes I saw Ron's draft!
Now I'm a compiler!
Not a trace of pride in my mind
Yeah I'm a compiler!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah I'm a compiler

(I'm a compiler)